What I accidentally learned from Ben Affleck that changed my life.
Working with Ben Affleck decades after "Good Will Hunting" became my inspiration, I had a full-circle moment that helped me be grateful for what I have.
It’s 3am. I’m exhausted. Hungry. Been standing around in dress shoes for nearly 7 hours. I don’t care how cool this experience is, I want to go home. Suddenly, I feel this presence; this person walks up and stands next to me, blocking the light and casting a shadow over me. I look up, and see that I’m standing next to Ben Affleck.
How in the world did I get here? Let’s go back.
1997
It’s my sophomore year in college, and I'm starting to get involved in acting. It's something I've wanted to do ever since I saw Michael J. Fox in “Back to the Future,” and now I'm taking advantage of all the opportunities available at my University.
I'm taking a film class, I have a part in the campus channel's soap opera, and I'm doing improv. I even have an agent (which means I paid some lady $200 to take my headshots and never heard from her again).
One Friday night, I went with a group of people from my dorm to see a movie that was just released called “Good Will Hunting.” Not only did I love the film itself, but I read about how Matt Damon and Ben Affleck wrote it as a way to get cast in lead roles. They weren't getting cast in roles the types of roles they wanted to be in, so they created them. And that made me realize that I could do the same.
While I was happy to participate in about a dozen student films over those four years in college, they certainly weren't anything that I was interested in watching; I played a small-town kid turned drug dealer/crime boss in at least a quarter of those.
No one locally was making the types of comedy movies that I loved. So my friend Josh and I started making the kinds of movies that we wanted to be in. And we made stuff that we’re both still proud of, which wouldn't have happened if we didn't do it ourselves. But still, I was always holding out hope that someone would see one of our projects and want to put me in a Hollywood movie or TV show. Then, I could quit my job and make a living as a full-time actor.
2014
I got a random email from a local casting agency announcing that the new Superman movie would be filming in town, and they were looking for hundreds of extras. I submitted my info and forgot about it until a few months later when someone reached out to me to schedule a wardrobe fitting.
Cut to a few months later: It’s a fundraiser at Lex Luther's mansion, and I'm a guest. I won't bore you with the details, even though I have a great story about Henry Cavill bullying teasing me for singing a Barenaked Ladies song.
The point is, I'm now face to face with Ben, a guy who I've been watching and trying to emulate for decades.
I look over at him, we make eye contact, and he silently nods. And I'm seeing this face that I've seen a thousand times on magazine covers and in Kevin Smith movies, but in 3D. And he looks… sad. Tired. Miserable, even?
This Oscar-winning, super-rich, A-list actor has everything that I figured would make a person happy. And he gets to be Batman? Unreal! Who doesn’t want to be Batman?
When we were released from the set, I was walking out a few steps behind Ben. I wanted to say something. We were told specifically not to talk to the actors, but that’s not what was holding me back. He just looked so… alone. His hands rubbing his eyes, he sank into a black town car waiting to take him back to his hotel.
Being on the set of a major Hollywood film was one of the most exciting things I had ever done; for him, it was just work. He was looking at it the same way I think about heading back to the office on a Monday morning.
In a 2014 graduation commencement speech, Jim Carrey shared this:
“I think everybody should get rich and famous and do everything they ever dreamed of so they can see that it's not the answer.”
To be fair to Ben Affleck, maybe he was having a rough few days. He’s human; he’s allowed to. But seeing him up close, seeing someone so larger-than-life as a regular person, was impactful. It made me think:
Is this the life I’ve been dreaming of for all of those years? Would I trade places with him? If I had been “successful” enough to be a full-time working actor, would I want to spend months at a time away from my family, alone in a hotel room at the end of the day? How much of my kids’ lives would I have missed out on? I can’t say I would trade any of that to be Batman. (Spider-Man? Maybe.)
As the movie came out, and I was reflecting on that experience, I remember thinking, if this is the last movie I ever appear in, I’d be ok with that. It would be a fitting, full-circle end to my acting journey.
This was around the time I was starting to get serious about creating content for YouTube. All of those independent film projects we had worked on, which started out as a means to create acting opportunities for ourselves, became the part I like the most now. The cameras, the cinematography, the audio, the editing process. And my love for acting shifted to a love of storytelling. I could do that on my YouTube channel in small pockets of free time without disrupting my family time. Now, the on-camera part is my least favorite of the process, but I have to do it in order to give myself something to edit!
Creating content for YouTube allows me to tell stories in a way that fits into my life… without becoming my life. I get to tell the stories that I want to tell in the exact way that I want to, when I want to.
If you’re out there chasing a dream that feels out of reach, remember this: Sometimes, the dream changes, and that’s okay. The journey might lead you somewhere unexpected, somewhere that fits you even better. And in the end, finding joy in the life you’ve built, in the stories you create, and the people you share them with…
…that’s what I call “Changing Lanes.” No?
…that’s a “Bounce” in the right direction?
…stop playing “Reindeer Games” with your life and give in to the “Forces of Nature”?
Ok, “Armageddon” out of here.